I remember 11-16-06

November 16^th... Four years ago to the day I found myself in an emergency room in New York City. I remember thinking how badly I needed to get a hold of some pushover doctor, one who would simply write me a script for a pain killer, an antibiotic, or some miracle medicine that would stop the intense abdominal that was pulsing through my mid-section. In my head I rationalized that I (a) pulled a groin in the dance class I had just taken, (b)  pulled “something” in the show I was running at the time and the delayed muscle soreness had just set in, or (c) I had some horrible S.T.D. All three would have been better and less shocking than a diagnosis of cancer.

            It’s true, 28 years old…(yes, that’s correct I’m 32 now)…. and you never expect to hear those words. Not only did I have cancer, but it had also spread and apparently relocated itself in nine individual little colonies know as tumors throughout my chest cavity.

            I have found that what we remember throughout our lives is to say the least ....selective.  But I remember everything about that day. It’s a grainy filtered old movie that never stops playing. I remember the girl who was coming down from a heroine trip, strapped to her hospital bed in the E.R. I remember the group of medical students who wandered into the room where I was being held pre-diagnosis…..who then proceeded to ask if they could examine my primary tumor? "My what?"" Tumor of what?" "What the f..k?" Yes, this actually happened.  And yes, I’ve let it go. I remember trying to call my dad, chocking on tears only to learn my phone had been turned off because I missed my payment to AT&T…..I’m with sprint now. J.  I remember finally reaching my Dad, who after learning his first-born had cancer, calmly told me everything would be ok…”just get on a plane and come home.”….We went straight to the hospital in Rochester and never left.  I remember calling my best friends to tell them I had caner?  I can see every leaf on the walk home from 110 and central park west, I see the colors, I remember which cracks I stepped on in the sidewalk, I can see the moisture on the ground from the rainy fall mist that had been persistent all day. I remember the longest subway ride of my life….the one out to JFK on the A train. Why the fuck didn’t I take a cab?!!!I was not thinking clearly…I just knew I needed to get home, and the subway went to Jet blue.  I can see the face of every person in my packed rail car.  I had been crying.  Why they looking at me? Do they know I have cancer?  I wondered where they were going, and If they were coming from work, but I knew that whatever was on their minds it was lighter then mine.  I was angry at them for the freedom of frivolous thought and knew no one had been just dealt a cancer card in the last two hours.  I then I again started to breakdown wondering if I would ever again ride a subway car, free from this pressure, this diagnosis, this sickness. I remember how good it was to walk off the airplane and see my Dad and step mom. I can remember the nurses in the hospital….they seemed to care, much more than those in NYC….it had the feeling and warmth of home. I remember the growing hurt pushing against my insides…I could barley stand upright at this point. I remember that first I.V. of morphine which washed away the pain. I remember waking up and having ten family members huddled around my bed. I remember feeling loved.  I remember meeting my doctor  and him handing me a copy of lance Armstrong’s book and promised me he would let me die. He then shook my hand, hard and I wasn't afraid.   The last thing I remember about that day is walking in the bathroom. I wanted a moment alone before I would go into surgery. I wanted my digital camera…I remember wanting to take a picture of my face…let’s be honest, I also took a picture of my ball before they hacked it off.:-) But I wanted to remember that moment most of all. I knew Life would never be the same again. (See picture) Still smiling that shit eating grin.....lol.

                                

            So, here we are four years later. I’m still alive. Truth be know, if you know me and are a part of my life I’m better than alive. Life flows through me and I cherish every moment. Cliché….Cancer is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It’s true.  At 32, I’m an old soul who has knowledge and power beyond his years.  And while this entry does not talk about a health product or practice, it speaks about it author.  I am here to spread what I have learned to overcome caner. What I have learned to be a better… more capable person and help you in being a better you. As always, feel free to email me with any questions you may have concerning nutrition and exercise. I will be honest, supportive and I’m learning more everyday.  Thanks for listening and stay tunned for some great new articles in the next few weeks! 

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